Waiting, then praying. Praying, then waiting. Pretty much sums up the last few weeks for us in terms of adopting. We had visited the young children at House of Moses, met an adorable little two year old boy, and felt called to find out his adoption status. We had to WAIT a few days, then we were given the news that his mom was alive and would consider allowing us to adopt him. Time then for PRAYER...was this the little boy for our family? Were we the right family for him? Did we want to undertake a situation in which the mom could change her mind back and forth? Ultimately, we didn't feel called to adopt this particular little guy-even though it makes me feel awful thinking about it, and I still PRAY for him, that either his mom will be able to take care of him or he will find his forever home with the right family.
After this happened, we visited another orphanage, who had kids ages 2-5, and played with the kids for a while. One boy in particular caught our attention, even though he was not what we had "planned" or even at that time, thought we "wanted". But as all the young kids climbed all over me, playing with my hair, taking my sunglasses off, and trying to get into my purse, I couldn't help but watch this little boy play football (American soccer). :) Mickey was playing with him and while this boy didn't smile, I could tell he was so happy inside that there was a man there to play football with him. I noticed how careful he was around the other kids, never getting angry when a little child stole the ball or get in his way, and how he moved so gracefully with the ball. Since I was busy with the young children, I didn't get much of a chance to chat with him, but when we were leaving, I decided to go give him a squeeze and ask if he had fun today. All he did was nod. I asked if we could come back and see him again. Another nod. Does he speak, I wonder? Is he ok? What has happened to this little boy that he doesn't smile or speak? My heart didn't even want to go there...But my head definitely wanted to know if he was available to adopt...So, again, we ask our social worker to find out his story. And again, we WAIT. He was going by a nickname so our social worker didn't know who we were talking about so needed to take the weekend to find out. As much as I loathe waiting sometimes, it was helpful. It gave me time to PRAY. Lord, we weren't planning on adopting someone older than our children? How will this change our family? How will Evan react? And after a weekend of pondering this with the Lord, He really did make it clear that it would be ok, even better, that it would be a good thing for our family and for this child. But as always...on Monday morning came quite the twist--------------------------
this boy, come to find out, has a little brother. Hold the phone!!! Immediately back to PRAYER. Lord, really? Two boys? 4 children between the ages of 3-5??? In this tiny little apartment we call home right now? How will we afford to feed all these children when they are in high school? (I know, this may be a funny question to some, but I remember all the food my brothers and I ate in high school, hello 2 gallons of milk each day! :) ) Will I be able to give them each the love and attention they would need? How would Alea do with 3 brothers? Phewww.... I had a lot of questions for the Lord, but slowly it came down to the battle between my head and my heart. My head said, "No way!" Can't do this, now or ever." My heart said, "These children need a home, a family, these brothers deserve to be able to stay together, and I (Jesus) will overflow your heart with love for these children and I will provide for you and them every basic need." After this matter started to settle in my heart, it came back to their adoption situation. Were they single orphans? double? Again, we had to wait...I tell you what, living here for 2 months has developed my patience more than in 30 years in America!
After another long, agonizing weekend of waiting, we hear the news. They were found by social welfare, apparently abandoned by their father, their mother has passed, and they had been at the orphanage since July. Immediately, it made sense why the boy wasn't smiling. And immediately, I wondered where this dad was. In order to adopt these boys, permission by the dad is necessary. Besides that, we wanted to know more about him, why had he abandoned them? Was he planning on coming back to get them? (this happens quite often in Zambia when parents lose a job and they are trying to find another one or when they lose a loved one and don't cope well). Also, even though both my heart and head didn't want to admit it, I wanted these boys to be with their dad ultimately if he really does want to care for them. We didn't come here to take away a Zambian child from their country and culture if they still had a living parent who loved them. But of course, this question remains to be answered since they were found alone and their dad hasn't come for them yet. So back to PRAYER, Lord, who is this dad? Did he just make a mistake? Did he feel hopeless? If he decides to keep them, will he love them? Will he care for them and provide for them? If we find out he wants them, but has no means of taking care of them, what do we do? These were just a few of my thoughts and prayers over the last few days...and then the phone rang. The social worker had located the dad and he says he is coming to get them...MY HEART SUNK. So many thoughts and feelings raced through my mind. Anger, sadness, doubt, confusion, you name it, I experienced it. Why had the Lord worked on me for 2 weeks and prepared my heart and mind for these 2 kids all to take it away in an instant. I didn't trust this father who had left his 5 and 3 year old boys to fend for themselves, who we found out is usually drunk. We decided we didn't want to just leave it at that, in the case that the dad might have just said he was coming to get his boys out of pride. We have found this to be true here, with orphans, if there is any family remotely available to care for them, they do it. They would rather not let anyone "take" the children from the family even in the most dire of circumstances. So, again, back to WAIT AND PRAY. The social worker is going to try and go speak with the dad tomorrow to assess him and his situation. Thankfully, after this week of having to WAIT again and continue in PRAYER, we are at peace with whatever happens. We know God has it all under control and His plan for these boys, for their father, and for us will be revealed and will be His perfect plan all along.
Please join us in prayer over not only what happens tomorrow, but over this whole adoption process. We so desire to find the child (or children) God has for us soon. So there you have it, another adoption update. We are extremely excited for the day when an adoption update is about us bringing our precious one or ones home!
*sorry I can't say names or anything, but need to protect identities!*
Loving like Jesus, Living for Jesus, and Learning about Jesus is what we are about!
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