Thoughtful Thursday: What's Wrong With Me???

I got angry today when Alea kept moving around while I was trying to lay down with her and nap for a while.  I got angry today when Evan wouldn't do his school work.  I got angry yesterday when Mickey and I had a miscommunication.
I must have an anger problem.  I am always going to get angry easily.  I will never be one of those calm, go with the flow people.  Why can't I just deal with these situations more peaceably?  I am just an angry person.  This is just one example of how my mind can work after a few bad decisions.  I have been reading a book by Steven Furtick, called, "Crash the Chatterbox".  Mickey and I listened to the sermon series while we were in Africa as well.  It is definitely one of the most powerful sermon series I have ever listened to.  One section of this book deals with condemnation.  Have you ever gone down this road?  Taking something you did and letting it define you?  Who am I kidding, of course you have...we all have.  It the enemy's favorite way to attack.  Quickly, to be clear, in no way am I saying my actions were ok.  Anger like I was having was sinful and not to be taken lightly.  But I love what the author reminded me of,

"The problem comes when we go beyond confessing our sin (which means agreeing with God about it) and begin defining ourselves according to the sin.  In this way we allow our lives to be defined by what we did rather than anticipating our tomorrows according to what Christ has done.  We allow the Enemy to rob us the value of grace's great exchange, which is the central proposition of Christianity. We stop learning from our mistakes under the tutelage of the Spirit.  And we start accepting labels created by the lies of condemnation."   

I do struggle with the sin of anger.  BUT THAT IS NOT WHO I AM.  The enemy wants me to believe I am because anger can ruin relationships and wreck lives. Exactly what he wants.  God will lovingly work with me daily on this sin.  The author puts it this way, "every time God calls out a deficiency in your life, you can be assured that He is simultaneously offering an invitation.  He Himself will fill the voids He is identifying-if you will cooperate."  What sweet words these are...because I know I can't do it on my own.  And God has already done it and He is just waiting on me patiently. 

Romans 8:3-4  "What the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering.  And so he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh but according to the Spirit."

Key words: God did.  God conquered sin.  In Him we are pardoned by His blood.  I have said this before and it is worth repeating, this never means we just continue in sin.  But we can rest in His grace and listen to the Spirit.  He will focus us in on living according to what He wants.  We do NOT have to entertain the enemies ideas ever again that we won't be able to.  

The author urges us to do this:
"The next time the Enemy starts bombarding your mind with condemnation...-make him pay. Take the opportunity to remind him of what God did and what He has promised to do for you." 
-"God says He has saved me. And he is saving me."
-"God says He has forgiven me. And His grace is cleansing me."
-"God says He has called me. And His mercy is keeping me."
-"God says He has rescued my life from the pit. And His kindness is crowning me with love and compassion."  

Hope you can gain something by reading this. I know I am learning a lot.  God is not a God of condemnation so if that is what you are feeling, it is not coming from Him.  Believe that without a shadow of a doubt.  

Musical Monday: "That Great Day" by Jonny Lang

Revelation 21:4

"He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away."

Jonny Lang is right up there with Francesca Battistelli for me, but many people don't know about him.  He is a blues/rock/Christian singer with some mad skills on the guitar. :)  My big bro took me to a music festival in Florida and that is where I got hooked.  I have since seen him 3 times in concert!  There is such great depth in him and his songs.  And what a testimony this man has...hitting rock bottom while on the verge of fame.  Thankfully, his girlfriend and her family prayed for him, took him in, loved him, and he gave his life to the Lord. (Much more to that story of course! Look him up if you can.) He has got another amazing song called, "Only a Man", that covers his journey.  Check this out too if you have a minute.  It's inspiring.  

Back to this song-death has been on my mind lately.  With a high school friend dying very young to being with family and talking about members that have been gone for some time, it just has been... But this isn't a negative post about death, because Jesus has conquered death.  And somehow, even though I deserve death, because of Him taking the punishment I get to live in Heaven with Him FOREVER.  Not only do I get to live with Him for eternity, but that life in Heaven will be beautiful.

Revelation 22:1-5

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations. No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.

Doesn't that sound amazing??? Folks , this song is what "Christianity" is really all about.  This is the hope only God offers.  I know there are many things that block people from believing in God, but my prayer for you today is that you would really seek Him out.  Try to get past all of His imperfect messengers like myself and find out what He is really about.  I think you will  find yourself wanting to experiencing "That Great Day."  (He gives clear instruction in His Word on how to do this!)

Check out the song below-

"That Great Day" by Jonny Lang

"My favorite lines from this song are: "We'll be delivered of every chain" and "And when He appears to wipe all our tears forever away, then we'll be together in Heaven forever".  3 amazing promises from our Savior!  Only He can get rid of everything that weighs us down, take away sadness, and eternal community with family and friends.  What a day that will be!

Musical Monday-"If We're Honest"

Just trying a new idea for a regular Monday post as I am trying my best to get back into blogging.  Moving back to the states has been CRAZY to say the least, and now getting settled into Ankeny is keeping us pretty booked.  Which we love!  It is so good to see people and reconnect.
More on all that soon, but I thought I would share a song every Monday that is getting me to think.  There are just lyrics out there that need to be shared and discussed.  Music can be so powerful.

This song is by my favorite artist, Francesca Battistelli.  I just love her.  Seriously, I have had many friends who tell me when they hear her songs they think of me!  :)  The song is called, "If We're Honest".  Please take a listen-it is only 4 minutes!!!

If We're Honest by Francesca Battistelli

There is soooooo much that could be said about this song.  But this year, as most of you know, we were forced to be incredibly real with people.  Many came along on a journey with us and at the end of it we had to be honest.  It wasn't easy like she says at the beginning of the song- "the truth is harder than a lie" and "yeah, it may be hard but the best thing we could ever do..."  Some have even told us they can't believe we didn't just say something else or explain it a different way.  But here comes the great part of the song and some awesome truth-"There is freedom found when we lay our secrets down at the cross."  Seriously, amen to that!  I praise God for that freedom. That freedom wouldn't have happened if we would have lied.  Yes, our lives would have been "safer" in the dark.  We wouldn't have to defend ourselves or have any kind of spotlight shine on us.
I want to encourage you tonight to know that you don't have to hide.  What would our world look like if people were honest to each other, if we were real with each other???  We are all a mess-let's admit it and be a mess together!  God is big enough to handle the biggest of messes.

"Bring your brokenness and I'll bring mine, 
Cause love can heal what hurt divides,
And mercy's waiting on the other side,
If we're honest."

Musical Monday-"If We're Honest"

Just trying a new idea for a regular Monday post as I am trying my best to get back into blogging.  Moving back to the states has been CRAZY to say the least, and now getting settled into Ankeny is keeping us pretty booked.  Which we love!  It is so good to see people and reconnect.
More on all that soon, but I thought I would share a song every Monday that is getting me to think.  There are just lyrics out there that need to be shared and discussed.  Music can be so powerful.

This song is by my favorite artist, Francesca Battistelli.  I just love her.  Seriously, I have had many friends who tell me when they hear her songs they think of me!  :)  The song is called, "If We're Honest".  Please take a listen-it is only 4 minutes!!!

If We're Honest by Francesca Battistelli

There is soooooo much that could be said about this song.  But this year, as most of you know, we were forced to be incredibly real with people.  Many came along on a journey with us and at the end of it we had to be honest.  It wasn't easy like she says at the beginning of the song- "the truth is harder than a lie" and "yeah, it may be hard but the best thing we could ever do..."  Some have even told us they can't believe we didn't just say something else or explain it a different way.  But here comes the great part of the song and some awesome truth-"There is freedom found when we lay our secrets down at the cross."  Seriously, amen to that!  I praise God for that freedom. That freedom wouldn't have happened if we would have lied.  Yes, our lives would have been "safer" in the dark.  We wouldn't have to defend ourselves or have any kind of spotlight shine on us.
I want to encourage you tonight to know that you don't have to hide.  What would our world look like if people were honest to each other, if we were real with each other???  We are all a mess-let's admit it and be a mess together!  God is big enough to handle the biggest of messes.

"Bring your brokenness and I'll bring mine, 
Cause love can heal what hurt divides,
And mercy's waiting on the other side,
If we're honest."

Back home in the U.S.A.

It's been almost two weeks since we have been back.  We technically don't have a "home" yet, but God has been good to us in teaching us that HOME really is where the heart is.  Some people have asked how the kids are doing with all of the change and I am happy to say that they are just fine, better than fine.  We have each other and we serve the same God-that is all that matters.
I thought I would compile one of my random lists covering some of my latest thoughts, emotions, and musings.

1.  Taking a hot shower and actually feeling clean afterwards is a pretty amazing feeling.  Something I won't take for granted anytime soon.
2.  I lost a jr. high/high school friend a few weeks ago and it hit me pretty hard.  He was an amazing guy who always made me laugh.  Memories keep flooding my mind of my time with him.  The only good thing that is coming out of it right now is the desire to keep in better touch with old friends.
3.  It is very strange to think about how I was in Zambia two weeks ago preparing to leave.
4.  I love how living in Zambia taught me to be more relaxed.  Not that it is a relaxing place to live, it is actually quite stressful, but I feel like I have a better understanding of first world problems and third world problems.
5.  Straight roads are nice. And driving on the "right" side of the road and "right" side of the vehicle. :)
6.  Filming House Hunters International was such a nerve-wracking, yet fun experience.  We had the best crew and they felt like family by the end.  I have no idea how the show will turn out, but it was a good time and we were told really positive things by the crew.  "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and GLORIFY YOUR FATHER IN HEAVEN."
7. My dad said something really funny the other day about my feet, "are they going to be permanently dirt stained?"  I laughed so hard.  My feet certainly took a hit in Africa.  I wouldn't have it any other way though.
8.  It is strange to have to think about the weather now and what to wear.  In Zambia, you pretty much know it is going to be hot, and my clothes options were pretty limited.  Being back, it has already been 50 degrees and 85 degrees.  Never once did we have that kind of jump in Zambia!
9.  I get my first haircut in 9 months on Friday and I am pumped.
10.  My heart hurts when I think about how much I miss our friends in Zambia.
11.  There is something freeing about going to the faucet and putting a cup underneath and drinking from that cup.  Do not take this lightly folks, we have it very easy here!
12.  God blessed us with two amazing little travelers.  On our 15 hour flight, they were rock stars.  They played, colored, slept, and watched movies.  I was more antsy then they were!
13.  Abu Dhabi and Dubai were the cleanest cities I have ever been in.  And the richest too.  It was definitely a major contrast leaving Africa and being there a few days.
14.  Evan got his foot stuck in an escalator in Dubai.  I was able to pull it out right before we got to the bottoms but it was pretty scary.  He did lose a chunk of skin off his big toe and it is taking some time to heal.
15.  All I want to do eat all the yummy food I missed this last 9 months, but I am trying both successfully and unsuccessfully to have will power.
16.  We had a really unique situation in Zambia where we got to live in the same yard (different houses) as our wonderful friends and fellow missionaries from Ankeny, the Smiths.  It is not often that adults get to experience the community we did.  We loved each other through the good and bad and they are now our extended "family".  It was very hard to leave them.  We miss you guys!!!
17.  I love how stores are organized to make logical sense here!
18.  Time is tricky everywhere.  I was busy in Zambia and I am busy here in different ways.  My prayer is that God will help me to always plan my day according to kingdom purposes.
19.  We have been living out of boxes for about a year now-excited to move into our apartment in mid-June and not be digging to find everything!
20.  There is a really amazing guy named Chimbaza that we have hired to continue the work we started in Zambia.  He is a man of integrity and conviction and we praise God that he wanted to work with us! More on him soon.
21.  Am I excited to be back? Yes.  Do I want to be here and there simultaneously? Yes.  Still sorting through all these thoughts and emotions.

Evan's poor little toe

Our housekeeper and my dear friend who I miss-Felista

Filming HHI

My "sister" Heidi (left) and Dr. Marjie-two amazing servants of the Lord

Mickey and Chimbaza at the Kalungula garden we planted

Goodbye Zambia, Hello U.S.A.

Yes, come mid-May, we will be saying our goodbyes to our ministry partners and friends in Zambia and saying hello to our family and friends in the U.S..  Due to our adoption not taking place, Mickey's work has called him back into service.  Part of the deal with him getting time off was use of FMLA time, and now we are not covered by that time.  He has unfortunately already used all of his vacation and sick leave time to be here.  We did ask for an unpaid extension, but it was denied.  The Bible is clear about respecting authority, including employers, so we are following orders.  We are extremely grateful to the Des Moines Fire Department for allowing us to have the time we did have. 

As you can imagine, we have many mixed emotions.  We know that we obeyed God when deciding not to adopt and we don't regret the decision at all.  We both have great peace about it.  But to find out that because of this decision, we can't complete our time here and finish the way we wanted to finish is difficult.  

Also, after having so many things move so slowly here for so long, it is a jolt to the system to need to move so quickly all of a sudden. That is one of the reasons the blog has been silent lately!  But if there is one thing we have learned here, it is not to question God and His ways or timing.  This is the time He has ordained for us to return home, even though our plan was early August.  His ways are, without a doubt, better than ours, so although sad, we are trusting in Him.

We want to give our biggest heartfelt thanks to all of you who have followed our journey here in Zambia.  This year was made possible by all of you.  Your prayers, financial support,  and words of encouragement have meant so much to us.  The next few weeks are quite busy for us as we wrap up our work here, transfer responsibilities, pack, say our good-byes, and make arrangements for moving back home, but please be on the lookout for several blog posts to come where we will share in greater detail about all the different ways God used us this year and the things He has taught us.  It wasn't always easy this year to keep up with blogging, especially with power outages and running out of Internet data!  Mickey and I are looking forward to having consistent power and unlimited Internet upon our return. :)  We know there are many things God wants us to share with all of you and we hope you will come back and read them.  Living here and doing ministry here has been one of the toughest, yet most rewarding time in our lives.  We are especially appreciative that because of our time here, God has given Mickey a clear vision about how to continue the work we have started, even while returning home to Iowa.  We will be sharing that with you soon too!!! 

The greatest thing about returning home a bit early will be that we will get to see many of you. soon  This is the longest Mickey and I have been away from some of you and we look forward to many happy reunions.  Just so you know, we will be staying in the Quad Cities with my folks from mid May to the 1st part of June.  Next, we will spend time on the farm with Mickey's parents for a few weeks in June.  Mickey will be a bit busier than me as he will be traveling from both of these places up to Des Moines to work his shifts.  On the 14th of June, we will move to an apartment in Ankeny while we build our home there.  Please let us know if you would like to get together or just stop by my parents or the farm to see us.  We would love it!!!  

Teacher Training in the Bush

I have to admit that I was really nervous going into leading a teacher training for teachers out in the bush yesterday.  For a few reasons... One being I have been out of the game for 3 years.  Had to kick myself back in to teacher mode.  Thankfully, the three things they wanted me to talk about are three parts of teaching that never really leave you.  I was also fortunate to work to work in a top-notch school district with AMAZING co-workers, whom I learned more from than any amount of schooling.  All of their wisdom, ideas, and techniques have stuck with me.  Thank you to those wonderful people.  You know who you are. :-)
The three topics were ethics of being a teacher, classroom management, and lesson planning.  My second reason for being nervous was I wanted to be relevant to them. The 1st topic didn't really present a problem because that topic is pretty much the same for Zambians and Americans.  I spoke about the high calling of being a teacher and how we need to have high standards for ourselves.  No matter where you are on a map, teachers are an important part of society.   All teachers are role models whether they like it or not.  We have the power of being able to greatly help or harm their students because of this.  Our words carry great weight.  And our actions speak louder than words.  I warned the teachers that students are always watching.   Our students want to know that we are who we say we are and that we value education.  If we don't have a love for learning and convey that love to our students, most are unlikely to develop that passion on their own.  The only difficult part of this lesson was motivating them to take on this task.  In America, because teaching is a paid job, most are going to be pretty ethical teachers.  We have to be on time and be prepared or we will lose our job. There is an external motivation system in place.  Here, out in the bush, these teachers are VOLUNTEERS.  All of their hard work and effort has to come from within, an internal motivation system.  Just plain out of the goodness of their heart, they need to show up on time everyday and pour into these students so that some great change can occur in this country.  Would most American teachers do this?  No paycheck? No benefits?  Working another job just so you can also teach for free???  I can't say I would be signing up for that. (Side note-I am not saying that American teachers don't also have an internal motivation system, many do, but we have both!)  I tried my best though to encourage them to be the change this country needs, to keep showing up and investing in the future.  To trust that their hard work is not in vain and that I greatly admire them for continuing on despite the hardships.  I wish I could have had more answers, more help for them...Please pray for these teachers.  They need it.
The 2nd topic was classroom management.  Oh the joy of trying to teach many students with different backgrounds, learning styles, and personalities.  I tried to keep it simple with this subject since they don't have near the amount of resources we have for classroom set up, behavior systems, etc.  I spoke on 7 guidelines to have for managing your class.  1, take charge from the beginning.  Let students know  you are the boss and you expect them to be respectful, to listen, to participate, and to do their best.  2nd, go over these expectations multiple times. Don't let little things slide.  3rd, have established consequences for not meeting expectations.  These should be developmentally appropriate and students should know what will happen, instead of being surprised. 4th, avoid disruptions by moving about and keeping an eye on students.  I know once I started talking to another teacher who popped in, my classroom would go from quite to earthquake level noise real quick.  5th, praise constantly.  Make a big deal out of the good.  6th, be proactive.  Have your lessons and materials ready to go before the day begins so you are not trying to do that while teaching.  7th, be fair.  There is no one in the world that respects someone who is unfair.  This is the short version, but wanted to give an idea.  Doreen helped me with examples to give and we also explained a few individual and class systems to keep behavior in check.
Last, but not least, lesson planning.  I might be weird, but I always loved planning lessons.  I enjoyed the challenge of looking at what my students needed to learn and how I might help them learn it.  There wasn't much time left for this session, but I was able to show them a basic template and explain the importance of planning ahead.  Doreen told me that they loved it!!! I was so glad, because I wasn't sure what experience they had with it.  I learned that in government schools, they have to plan the whole term at once-13 weeks!  And the exams are only in the last week.  They were happy to know that while you should know your overarching subjects and goals, that lesson plans need to be fluid and meet the needs of your students.  They also enjoyed learning about how to give smaller and different types of assessments during the term to get an idea if students are getting it or not.
All in all it was a fabulous day.  They were so grateful and it was such a small thing on my part.  I never thought that I would be doing a teacher training in the bush in Africa with chickens wondering in and out of the classroom and bathroom breaks in a hole in the ground.  But I loved it and I hope I get to do it again.

A few of the teachers

Doreen helping me illustrate a point

Gotta love an old-fashioned chalkboard, never even had one of these when I was teaching!

Some of the attendees

Eating our village chicken, nshima, and relish lunch!

More of the teachers

My awesome friend Doreen who volunteered her time to translate for me!!!