I am at home here. I am comfortable. My heart is here with my husband and my 2 biological children.
Yet, part of my heart has left for Zambia. I have never been there...I am scared to live there...I am sad to leave my family and friends...everything about Zambia is unknown to me. But somehow, I long to be there.
There is a child there that needs me. That needs a mom to tell him he is loved...not just by me but by the Creator who made Him
I have a heart divided. I want this summer to go slow. I want this summer to go fast. I don't want to get on a plane in September. I can't wait to get on a plane in September. I don't want to say good-bye. I can't wait to say hello. I want to keep all my comforts. I want to be uncomfortable. You get the idea.
But here's the best part. I know God has a plan. He knows why we are leaving the day we are leaving and why we need to be here this summer. I know He is caring for our child right now. I believe He is letting that child know that his earthly parents are on their way and that He is their ultimate Provider and Friend whether we are there to hold him or not.
So, until then-my heart will stay divided between two completely different places but fully captured by His amazing love.
Wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed this post. So completely honest. I love that we can love different areas for different reasons. I think it is so normal to be wanting to stay and wanting to go. I even felt that way last summer (and we weren't moving to Zambia!) Will continue praying for you!! See you this summer some time!!
ReplyDelete