3 More Weeks???

Here it is folks, our latest adoption update.  As most of you know, we went into Lusaka yesterday (again), to try and get someone to tell us what was going on.  Our social worker didn't answer her phone all weekend, so we knew it would take just showing up at the social welfare office.  

We didn't know what to expect, and as usual, we were shocked to find out what she had to tell us.  The social welfare director has ordered the social workers to go through their list of applicants to see if there is a "better" fit for J and E, than our family.  In 3 weeks from this past Friday, if they haven't found any families that are suitable, then we will get to adopt them. Maybe. Yes, even then, it still isn't a sure thing.  

There were many thoughts and feelings we had as we processed this news.  First was definitely the injustice of it all.  The injustice that we are being discriminated against for being white and for having two biological children.  We had no clue that this would ever be used against us in the journey of adoption.  Second (for me anyway), was hurt.  This lady has never even met me or asked to meet me or met our biological children.  How can she judge if I will love our adopted children the same or how our adopted children will interact with our biological children? 3rd, was sadness...Sad for the boys...they don't deserve this.  I imagined what they will do in 3 weeks if another family comes and says we are going to be your mom and dad??? How confused they will be...  After coming to know us as their parents for the last 3 months, calling us mom and dad, excited to be in our family, and to put their world of hurt behind them.  The house mothers told us yesterday, that J asks for us everyday.  He says, "When are my parents coming?"  "When can I go with them?" During our visit yesterday, the house mother shared with me that J used to open up all the time about his mom passing and would share about his former life, but since we have come into his life, he has regained some joy and excitement about his future and doesn't talk about his past much anymore.  They both got in our car yesterday and E threw a fit when it was time for us to go, and I had to take him back inside. How sad it was to tell them they couldn't go with us, and even sadder, that we can no longer tell them that they will come with us soon.  Lastly, was the feeling of defeat.  I don't want to feel this way, but man, does it keep creeping in.  3 more weeks stuck in this waiting game.  Like we haven't spent the last 3 months there already.  Can I do it?  Can I sit here for 3 more weeks being hopeful, but also trying not to be hopeful, so that I am not crushed it is not the news we desire to hear?  
To be brutally honest, it has already been really really really tough moving here and living here. So much has been out of our control and out of my comfort zone.  And to know that out of this, we may go home without the main reason we came is difficult.  This is not to be seen as a complaining section, but just a glimpse into the difficulties of a halfway across the world move and jumping into a 3rd world culture so different than one's own.  From dealing with termites, loneliness, always being stared at, the motor bike accident, having no running water, frequent power outages,  crazy insane grocery stores, people not doing their jobs at all or with any sort of integrity, not having certain foods, not having my own car to jump into and go somewhere, not ever feeling "clean" or "beautiful", missing my parents something terrible, feeling left out and out of touch with friends, not having parks/libraries/swimming pools/etc. to take the kids to (although I know most of those things my Iowa friends are not doing right now anyway due to cold!),  missing holidays and other celebrations/traditions, our container never arriving and living on borrowed items or doing without, seeing our friends get stolen from, being looked at always like we should be giving money to anyone who asks, and more.  And this last blow really got me down yesterday. 

But thankfully, I serve a big, awesome, faithful, loving, grace-filled, powerful God.  He has gotten me through the last 5 and a half months and filled me with more peace and patience than I ever dreamed I could have.  There have been many times when I have wanted to give in, pack up, head home, but He has always shown up, giving me chance after chance to get out of the pit, and depend on Him and Him alone. This is something I greatly desired out of this year here in Zambia, and my good Father is providing that for me.  He will see me through whatever else happens here and anything else in my life. I trust in Him.  

So...we press on.  

Philippians 3:12-14 "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Jesus Christ has made me His own.  Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

God has called us here for many reasons, not only adoption, and we will press on to do the work God has for us. He is worthy of every effort, every sacrifice.  And as my husband calls me away from the computer to look at the stars, which are indescribable to anyone that hasn't been here, we are blown away by God's beauty and grateful for this chance to live and serve here.

Final Note:
March 14th is the day we are supposed to hear about our adoption.  Would you continue to join us in prayer over the next 3 weeks, that God's perfect will be done in our lives and in the lives of these two young boys? We thank you so much in advance.  When we hear, we will be sure to post and let you all know.