I.AM.SCARED.

Yes, I am going to admit it and tell you I am scared.  I am nervous.  I am overwhelmed. I am feeling guilt.  I am feeling loss. I am feeling like we have no idea what we are getting ourselves into or what we are doing...We move to Zambia, Africa in exactly 6 months.  Where there are mass amounts of mosquitos, frequent electrical outages, life-threatening snakes and lots of other creepy-crawlies, extreme heat, no consistent/constant source of clean, running water, and days where the rain doesn't end.  Where our families and most of our friends won't be.  Where there are no "fun" places like the library, zoo, or pool to take the kids.  Where there is no grocery store with anything we could possibly need right down the road.  I could go on and on.  As I was showing pictures online to my dad of where we are going to be, his comment was, "It's like looking back in time, to like the 1800's."  HA!  And it is so true-most of Africa is just so poor...they don't have running water, electricity, and they live in 1 room thatch roof huts.  In Zambia, the only food most can afford to eat is called nashima, a basic mixture of maize and corn.  I've seen it and it doesn't look too appetizing.
In all the excitement of adopting a child into our family and the adventure of moving half-way across the world, I didn't stop to think about how different our lives our going to look in 6 months.  I didn't stop to think about all that we are leaving behind.  
Why am I telling you all this you might ask?  A couple of reasons...first, I know that as I have watched missionaries go into the field or even having watched someone move away to a new place, I thought wow...they are so brave, or how exciting.  They must really have it all together and I envied their confidence. Now I know, that is SO NOT TRUE!  Just because we are doing this does NOT mean we are not afraid of it. We are terrified,  but thankfully, we serve an amazing God. He goes before us and follows behind us.
Deuteronomy 31:8 The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid, do not be discouraged.

And 2nd, I am telling you this because I need prayers...prayers that I would not walk in the flesh, that I would not let my mind go to that place where I think I won't be able to do this, that we are crazy for taking our kids there, that we are mean for taking grandkids away from their grandparents, that I will miss my friends too much, that we won't be able to help anyone over there, and the list goes on.  The worries weigh me down like no other when I allow them.  I need prayers that I would walk in the Spirit of the true, living God.  This is the only way my family and I can set out to do what God has asked us to do.  We are so weak on our own, but in Him, we are strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Love this verse because my weaknesses are going to become more apparent when we are in Africa, like stare you in the face apparent, but this is God's forte, His power is made PERFECT in our weakness.

Now don't get me wrong, I am excited despite all the hardships I mentioned...it is going to be a life-changing year and I firmly believe God has us going there for several reasons.  I just wanted people to know just because we are going doesn't make us some kind of super Christians, we fall into worry and fear like anyone else.  Thank God for His unconditional love, amen???