Love, Life, and Lessons with the Kinzenbaws: A Reflection on Father's Day (guest host by the hubby!)

After Evan was born I began contemplating what it means to be a good parent. We all know that there are many people out there with kids that are clearly not cut out for the task. There are also many out there that have raised stellar kids. It is difficult figuring out what makes good parents, well…good. I am not sure that anyone has ever laid out a job description with a bullet point list detailing the qualifications of a good parent; yet we know one when we see one. So even though I can’t define what it means to be a good parent, I can tell you unequivocally that I have great parents. I know this because of what they sacrifice.

This past weekend was a great example of sacrifice. My parents, pushing 60 now, took time and energy to go to Chicago to an auction to help us find cheap building materials for a house to build when we come back from Zambia. It was hot, crowded, and the things we bought were heavy. Dad would have much rather been at his Red Top game than loading up several tons of materials. What is the point? My parents demonstrate how seriously they take their roles by the amount they are willing to give up their own aspirations to help me achieve my own. This is a lifelong commitment. They didn’t just put their lives on hold while raising me, only later to return to what they want to do. They so wholly invested in me as a child that my dreams and pursuits and interests literally became theirs as well. Somewhere between baseball games, school plays, concerts, skiing, hunting, farming, college, firefighting, mission work, etc, they became so enamored with the idea that their son could do something great with his life that they forgot what they were chasing after and began pushing me in the chase. For sure there are other signs of their love; anyone who knows me can tell you how spoiled I was by them as a kid. But buying things or taking me places was just a small price for them to pay. It is easy to buy a gift or take a vacation. It is much more difficult to let personal ambitions or aspirations die in order to see your children flourish. That takes sacrifice.

It would be great if we were all so fortunate to have such sacrificial parents. While we can’t rewrite our own history books, we still have time to write the future. What are we willing to give up as parents for our own children? Is it a job, a golf game, a social club, a movie, a marathon, Facebook (dare I say)? What do we communicate to our children when we pursue these things rather than them? I am not saying that we can’t pursue any of our own ambitions. What I am saying is that parenting should be more than a part time job or a lifelong burden brought about by our own desires. It should be more than an afterthought. Here are a few easy checks: If you spend more time analyzing your golf swing than you analyze your kid’s baseball swing, you have problems. If you spend more time reading on Facebook than you did reading to your kids, you have problems. If you spend more time talking on the phone for work at home than you did talking to your children, you have problems. It isn’t what we do necessarily, it is what we value. We can pursue athletic achievement all we want, if at the end of the day we come back and play catch in the backyard or have a real conversation with our kids. It is when we put ourselves on a pedestal that we get into trouble.

In the spirit of sacrifice, this next year my loving wife has committed to go a million miles out of her comfort zone to the heart of Africa for the love of a child (or 2 or 3) that she doesn’t even know. This is sacrifice at its finest. She is knowingly venturing off to a place full of bugs, spiders, dirt, snakes and germs because of a love for an unidentified orphan. She sacrifices with the best of them for her kids at home as well. As I reflect on the sacrifices my parents made over the years, I am full of pride over my wife who is demonstrating the same virtue evident in great parents.

One thing is for sure: at the end of my life, I am confident that I will not regret investing in and sacrificing for my children. What matters at the end of life isn’t what we own or where we have been or what skills we have mastered, but the legacy we leave behind. I want my legacy to be warriors of children that serve God and change the world. I am not there yet, but I want to be as committed and invested in my kids as my parents are to me and my wife is to ours.